I ran into one of my friends yesterday. I saw the look in her eyes even before she said ” You look so different.” Had she been anyone else I would have automatically known that this was nowhere close to a compliment. She then commented on my weight and then asked me when I decided on cutting my hair.
When did I cut my hair? I always wanted to cut my hair even before the natural hair movement became mainstream but I always held back. For awhile I had that song by India Arie in my playlist-I am not my hair. Then I always wondered what it would be like.
Why did I cut it? It started with a guy.
I was dating him. He was interesting, he made me feel alive in a million different ways. It was fun, the kind of fun that makes abandon your girlfriends. He made my dreams come true and I dreamt about him through my campus classes. He tried to teach me French, specific words, the ones I would not teach my mum or baby sister. Whenever someone asks me if I can speak French I hesitate just in case they probe further. He had horrible shades too but that is not why I am writing this.
One time I asked him what he thought about my hair and which look he liked most. He told me to try a weave for a change, I had been trying some human hair weaves for the previous two months but I let it pass. Instead, I told him that I had been thinking of cutting my hair. In fact I had not thought about my cutting my hair in almost a year.
” I don’t think I would like you in short hair. I like you like this, in long hair or braids.”
That is when I decided to cut my hair.
I am my hair, whatever that is at any particular time. Life should be dynamic. To me, that is akin to someone telling you that they would not like you if you gained weight or if you lost your job. What if cancer came knocking and knocked out my hair? Does it mean he would not like me enough to be there for me?
It took many more things for us to part ways completely but that was the point I decided to cut my hair and cut him out of my life eventually. I cut my hair one and a half years after that.
Do I like my short hair? It has been a love and hate relationship. Some people love it so much some people wonder about what I am trying. Some days I wake up and tell myself this is how I want to look forever. Other days like today I think I look like a boy and run to get it braided.
Maybe some of you can relate. What I know though is there are just as many guys who have liked me with my short hair. If you want to cut your hair and some guy says it is him or your hair cut him along with your hair. If you don’t like your look, do something else.