I jog for the ‘wrong’ reasons

If you know me then you know that I am obsessed with jogging and healthy eating. I jog a lot but it is more of the affirmation then health, more like posting a pic for the likes and then for memories.

I am not a structured person, I just need to know everything I need to do in a day then somehow I do it, putting timelines to it frustrates me. If you told me to jog at exactly six I would struggle. Sometimes I can’t wait for six to reach so that I jog. These times I leave my mp3 player behind or hung my earphones on my shoulder. I see very hot guys jogging, then they smile. Then I wonder if they have left their girlfriends in the house. Once in awhile one will stop me and I will look at their fingers.

Sometimes they ask for my number. If there is no ring and I tell them that if we meet twice again at that particular time then I will definitely give them my number. For the rest of the week I  jog in the evening. To end the conversation I mention that someone is about to leave the house and I forgot to take my keys. Then they smile at my joke and tell me to have a good day. Then I sprint back to the house, calories offloaded.

Six thirty is the best, it is a bit sunny and still a little quiet. The people walking on the road have a some sense of purpose, no catcalls before seven. Then there are these birds on specific trees. I have two clear memories of myself as a toddler. One of them is my dad giving me a bath in a basin during a visit to my grandfather. There is this bird making some weird sound, not the normal chirping and my dad is trying to explain it to me. So I always remember this then think of my family .

I hate jogging at seven. There are a number of people urging you to go on. Too many cars on the road. This is the time that I play my music the loudest. It is an obligatory run reserved for when I am feeling guilty about not being disciplined.

If I have had a bad day I go jogging very late, like at quarter to seven in the evening. It is sometimes better than finding myself with a glass of wine and an unfortunate friend who has to listen to me repeat the same complaint a hundred times, This is the worst time. I literally run for my life.On these days my dad somehow calls me and I say I was out running. Then I have to convince him that it is safe and there were other joggers and were no creepy people. Then he ends by asking me why I stopped using the gym at work and makes a remark about taking my safety seriously.

Then I want to tell him that it is not about fitness. It is about the attention, feeling perfect and better than ordinary. It is about the nostalgic memories when I see a certain type of leaf and remember where we went several years ago. I see a school bus and remember something. People have done worse things for attention and affirmation. It is seeing another jogger not being able to keep up. It is also the slowing down completely when I can tell that someone is trying to outrun me. It is the fresh air, the trees and the feeling that I do not need to jog but I like to, I said it.

Then some weeks things go wrong. I can’t run or even wake up before eight. Other times I am looking across at my person of interest and thinking about how he has been talking of  starting to go the gym for awhile now. If only I could get him to go jogging with me then maybe I would jog more. If only he would read it here.

 

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